Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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