She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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