i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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