I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
