i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
