i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
