you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
