i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
