I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
