Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
