i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
