clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
