My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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