I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
