I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
