Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
