Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
