I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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