Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
