So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
