took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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