she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
