you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So much Jack, so little girl.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
