Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
