I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
