Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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