my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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