Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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