OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
