I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so let's talk penis.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
