seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
