This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
