My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
