You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
