we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
