I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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