Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
