ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
