My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Actions speak louder than pants.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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