I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
