I want to have your abortion
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
