i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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