don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
