Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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