Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
