He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
