Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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