Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
