I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
