you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
