But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
where are my eyebrows?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
