I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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