So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
